fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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