watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
