I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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