i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
