Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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