I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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