I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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