You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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