i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My feet surprised me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
