a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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