you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
