how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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