She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
