Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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