the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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