so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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