The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
