The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
