when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
