someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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