I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
