Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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