Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
