Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
