Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
