Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
