I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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