I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
