All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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