If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
