I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
