Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
