also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
