The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
