he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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