He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
