You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
