Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
