k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
