Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
