then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
