Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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