if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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