..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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