My hair reeks of homosexuality.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
