I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
