She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize