i just wanna soil my oats bro
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
