i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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