if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
