I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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