I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
