I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
