My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
