all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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