Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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