my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
