We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
