I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
