No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
