I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
