well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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