Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
