so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
